The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
