ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
