Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
