Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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