you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
