I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
