maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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