he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
