You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All the doctor said was why
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
