I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is the high leading the old right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
