oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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