I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
