She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
