I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
