I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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