Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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