i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
