How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
