I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
