I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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