I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize