He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
