I can't breathe out the right side of my face
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
