My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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