I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
