Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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