i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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