I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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