one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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