I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
