remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
