I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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