I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i came on her dog
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
