I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
