I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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