I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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