That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
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Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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