i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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