im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
