I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have aggressive nipples.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
