His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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