STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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