I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I could fuck to npr.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
