so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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