I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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