Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
