hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
