so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
