And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
