Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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