I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
