dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
