capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
