Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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