dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
