Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
don't judge my taste in strippers
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
