he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
