i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
