I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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