I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
