im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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