Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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