I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
