I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
