Can Purell be used as lube?
someone owes me an orgasm
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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