Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
