i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
