okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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