i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
