Duck Duck Cougar?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
