Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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