Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
