Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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