Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
